Swimsuit Speak 2018

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LADIES. If I have learned one thing by the ripe old age of 26, it’s that no matter what number the tag in your jeans tells you you are, swimsuit shopping is. the. PITS. 

You feel me? You do. I know you (probably) do. 

Yesterday was National Bikini Day, a holiday not wasted on me. 

The word bikini is actually derived from the Latin bikino*, which translates to “a type of garment used to torture perfectly fine young females into feeling lesser-than, on the regular.” 

(*may or may not be factual, and in fact 6 hours of sun + rosé doing the talking.)

After the age of like 12, swimsuit shopping just sucks imho. I remember the fun of going and picking my swimsuit when school was out every summer, and wearing it until it was so pilled in the bum and the color so worn for wear that it retired at labor day’s end, in a perfectly satisfactorily way. NOW? Now. Now I have a perfectly wearable, non-pilled suit I was a little embarrassed to wear because it’s two years old, but I’ve worn it probably 5 times and it’s been on the Instagram already. I was too embarrassed to ‘gram a suit that has been ‘grammed multiple times before! Like WHAT? 

It isn’t enough to find a suit that suits you and your self esteem, but it has to be current and NEVER BEFORE SEEN. I am guilty as guilty gets, but man is that pressure maddening. 

I know more girls than I shed a tear when beloved VS stopped retailing swimwear, which just made the struggle that much harder. When your top hits a particular size threshold, it becomes quite difficult to find a reasonably priced, supportive, non-granny top (the magical trifecta.) Or a bottom that doesn’t give up all your secrets while avoiding looking like a flashy adult diaper. 

Suits that I’ve found that fit the criteria: 

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Old Navy square neck one piece. Austin kept saying I looked like Wendy Peffercorn, which wasn’t an insult! It comes in a few colors, but the yellow is the only one with the texture I liked. I’m not a fan of the super slick one pieces that seem to highlight all the wrong rolls. The MOST supportive? Naw. But supportive enough with a corset-like back to help harness you in, while being way budget friendly? Yes, please.

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Target’s new Shade & Shore line is A+ in my book. The bottoms weren’t as high as one long-torso’d soul would hope, but they were fine while having great on-trend detailing (and decent coverage!) The tops are sized by cups, adding major brownie points. 

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This is old faithful that you may have seen me wear more than once! The pattern is from 2016, but I am in LOVE with this boyleg one-piece style, and plan on trying to find one on sale at summer’s end! 

My last tip is basically just to find a pair of black bottoms that you love (high waisted black bottoms, are my fave flattering shape from Old Navy) and then find a top somewhere else you love that has a little black in it! Mixing and matching without looking too mix-and-match is sometimes just the way to go. It eases the pressure of finding the PERFECT BIKINI in one swoop.

Anyone have any swimsuit secrets they’ve been holding out with? Comment, please, and share the love! 

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