Unwrapping this month’s Birchbox gave me a little jolt of ohhh nooo because Bold and Robin aren’t generally synonymous, but the feeling passed in a jiffy when I saw they didn’t sample me anything too crazy.
Buckle up for some thorough review time, because all 5 samples gave me a little somethin’ to say this month.
Oribe Dry Texturzing Spray, Benefit They’re Real! Push Up Liner, stila look at me liquid lipstick, Dr. Jart+ Ceramidin Liquid, Real Chemistry Luminous 3-Minute Peel
Oribe Dry Texturizing Spray
You know how baby hair is ultra fine and soft in a way that pins + elastics slip right out? My mom says my hair never left this stage, and it’s a pretty accurate description. (Per square inch there are a lot of hairs on my head, but each strand is thin, description per one of my previous hair dressers.) F-Y-very important-I, that’s the mane I’m working with. Texture spray is muh best friend.
Solid A for product effectiveness.
Solid D for its “for the love of Job I don’t want to smell like that all day”-ness.
Solid F for why are you $42?!
I had to scan reviews to see if I was flying solo aboard the crazy train with my polar opinions, and it seems the masses are divided.
To the person who wrote, “it makes my hair smell summery,” -Oh no, did you spend summers locked in your grandma’s basement growing up? How sad. To the person who wrote, “just totally potent”… ding ding. Terrific use of accurate adjectives in your product reviews, new friend. Our noses are the same.
This guy smells strong, st-r-ong in a you-better-love-the-fragrance-or-immediate-migraine sort of way. But it works extremely well, adding a healthy amount of texture, grit, and instant volume to sleeker strands. Shame.
If you can get past the smell + price tag, it might fulfill your wildest texturizing dreams, but note it’s supposed to double as a dry shampoo -and Oribe’s pants are on fire as that might be one of the phoniest claims in dry shampoo history. It struck me as being too tacky for that sort of use, if that’s even the right word. Too somethin’. Too somethin’ dry shampoo is usually not.
Benefit They’re Real! Push-Up Liner
I was ex.i.ted. to try this stuff. It was one of those products I didn’t really want to love (because who needs another not-drugstore-price-liner they can’t live without?) but seriously wanted to sample.
Resting easy and reporting it was not love at first line. Or second.
With practice, I might grow to be extremely fond of this stuff, because I like the end result. I didn’t like the effort. I own plenty of liners with similar results, far less time consuming. If you “push up” too much gel through the tip’s tube, it gets a little messy, and wastes product.
I also had trouble as a righty getting it to look as lovely on my left as I did on my right. (Which might be an unrelated motor skill issue I should have checked out.)
If I was going for a serious oh baby thick and bold cat eye, I do foresee this being a super nice option with a skilled hand. My hands are not so skilled -but maybe with practice. It’s a nice sized sample, probably for that reason. The first day I wore it, I was all McKayla Maroney not impressed face because it flaked. Granted that was a long, hot, concert on the lawn day and I was sweating like a you-know-who in a you-know-where, so I gave it second chance, and it stayed put.
Totally conflicted and confused by my mixed review? Good, me too.
stila look at me liquid lipstick
I thought it would make me look like Barbie. It kind of just made me look like that you-know-who sweating in the you-know-where from a few paragraphs up.
It was not flattering. This shade is most comparable to hot pink glow paint. Like, my lips were ready for a straight up rave.
Color inside the lines, too, because where it goes it stays, like it or lump it. After I patted a little off (AKA tried removing it with Kleenex), I liked the effect a little more. Less rave, more Barbie. At about 1/4 its maximum potential, it proved to be sort of nice. But “holy permanence, Batman” to quote another reviewer, this stuff stains.
Real Chemistry Luminous 3-Minute Peel
I was not eager to put the words “chemical” and “peel” and “my face” in a sentence together.
After the small test spot didn’t turn green or melt or burn an orifice into the back of my hand, I used it -following perfect package instructions- on my face while in the shower as recommended. And it shut up this doubting coward.
I like this stuff. Like, I like it-like it. Not enough to use the capital L word, but enough to go out on a few dates and let it buy me dinner before deciding if I could commit. I used a small amount, as advised by the package, and have enough to give it another go or two. Lucky me, I actually have another full sample of this I received in a full-size order box or something or other that I previously ignored and tossed in my under the sink sample stash because, coward. I’ll be digging that out.
I can’t quite tell yet if it made my face glowy, or if it’s psychosomatic and I know it’s supposed to be glowy? All I know is my skin was darn soft afterward -like I’d used a killer exfoliator- and I was a fan.
Dr. Jart+ Ceramidin Liquid
Transparency: I didn’t understand this sample. I sort of still don’t understand this sample. I *think* it’s for skin more mature than mine, but is it preventative? Should I use it now? I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by its whatever, but this book’s label was pretty boring in my humble opinion and not overly helpful in answering my questions.
It felt more medicinal than luxurious, and really wasn’t particularly scented. So. Meh.
How was your July Box? Any samples you’ve already checked out? Comment below or with the little talking bubble near the title!